What does a tree do when he is ready to go home?
He leaves.

What did the cowboy say when his dog left?

What did one ear say to the other ear?
Between us we have brains!

What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?
Mum and Dad!

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop!

How do you make a band stand?
Hide all their chairs!

Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one!

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
The dentist is taking me out today!

Why did the chocolate chip cookie visit the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.

How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!

Why was the broom late?
It over-swept!

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.

What did one magnet say to the other magnet?
I find you very attractive!

How many Dads does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to go to the store five times to get the right kind!

What's red and flies and wobbles at the same time ?
A jelly copter!

What do you call a girl with sausages on her head?

What did the policeman say to his stomach?
You're under a VEST!